Monday, August 31, 2009

(Part II) This is just the beginning

Yes, you read right... he was visiting his girlfriend who lived up north. MAN! That totally put a damper on my ideas, because I had every intention of pursuing Cute, Big Jerk Guy

Back to the drawing board for me.

A few weeks later Sister and I went to another church activity. This time it was a dance. Totally fun. I am all about dancing. There were a few guys there that were phenomenal dancers, and I kind of gravitated toward them. The only reason I tell you this is because I hooked up with a guy at that activity, who my bishop later set me up with on a date. Good intentions, I thought I really liked him, but that was a flop. Ya, he told me he was interested in a serious relationship, but he happened to tell a few other girls at church the same thing. He was juggling 4 of us at once. Not my idea of a serious relationship.

I had a few other relationships over the next few months, but nothing really came of any of them.

Fast forward to December...

Sister and I got a call from the Cute, Big Jerk Guy. He needed us to help out at another church activity. ANYTHING for the Cute, Big Jerk Guy (who really was not much of a jerk). After said activity he came back to my apartment with a friend of his and Sister and I had fun visiting. That was the beginning of the every-day-come-over-to-see-me trend. Seriously, he was over everyday. I loved it. This totally hot guy was coming over to visit with me and my sister. Little did I know at this point that his friend has called "DIBS" on me. Cute, Big Jerk Guy agreed not to pursue, why would he? He still had a girlfriend (or so I thought).

After coming back from Christmas Break Cute, Big Jerk Guy came over with his friend to visit. His friend, Joe, asked me out. WHAT? Not him... I didn't want him to ask me out. I wanted Cute, Big Jerk Guy to ask me out, but I knew he was taken... That is when I found out that over Christmas Break Cute, Big Jerk Guy made the break. He dumped the girl. WOOHOO! But not so much since it was pretty obvious Joe liked me and it is kinda rude to jones on a friend.

After one date, though, Joe got the hint and realized how much I dug on Cute, Big Jerk Guy. Joe, being a genius at helping others with their relationship woes called up Cute, Big Jerk Guy and said something like, "You like her, she likes you. If you don't do something about it she is going to get tired of this and give up." BRILLIANCE! This phone call happened to be the night of my birthday party (Ya, I threw myself a big party- my way of trying to be happy when I was sad not to be getting the guy I was really interested in). The party was great. Cute, Big Jerk Guy showed up for a little bit, but then left. Sucky because I was left to dance with the 4-timing ex. who wouldn't leave the party. I did have a lot of fun, though. Getting that phone call was the BEST EVER, though. We agreed to meet up the next day at my place after he got off of work.

The next morning Sister and my roommate decided to go snowboarding. Usually I was up for this, especially since it was a holiday and no school. I hadn't told them about my scheduled meeting with Cute, Big Jerk Guy and thought maybe it wasn't the right time to tell them since I really didn't know what the outcome of said meeting was going to be. They tried to convince me to go with them. Great day for boarding. They were even going to spring for the cost. How is a girl supposed to turn that down? I'll tell you how- the thought of having a private meeting with Cute, Big Jerk Guy helped me stick to my guns. I was staying home.

Got all my homework done waiting for Cute, Big Jerk Guy to come over. When I finally heard the knock my heart skipped a beat. Actually, I think it just stopped. I had to give myself CPR just to get it started again. I opened the door and their stood my Adonis. Yummy! He came in and we kicked back in the living room. Started to chat about his day at work. Finally, he looked over at me and said, "Well, enough about me...What do you think of me?" I smiled and said, "I think you're HOT!" I actually said that. Can you believe it???

His reaction? While I was busy being beet red he looked at me and said, "I think you're hot too." At least we are in agreement.

To Be Continued...

Theme song- the song I played at my party that reminded me of Cute, Big Jerk Guy. Back to Good by Matchbox 20.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

(Part I) In the Beginning

I really wanted pictures for this post, but I didn't have a chance to scan some in. Ya, we met back in the day of real film cameras. *gasp*

You asked for it, so here is part one. If you know some of this story just bear with me.

I moved to Utah (Provo to be exact) 5 weeks after returning home from serving a Mormon mission in Idaho. (Can you believe I was called to go to such an exotic place?) I moved in with my fabulous sister, who was attending BYU. I wasn't starting school until the winter semester, but after having lived away from home for 4 years I wasn't about to live at home again. (Did that make sense?)

My first Monday in Provo my sister and I went to a church activity (FHE- for those who speak Mormon). As we pulled up to the house where the activity was being held (for young single adults) my sister noticed a guy walking up to the door. Since she had already been living there she knew the guy, at least a little. She pointed to him and told me something like, "That guy is so cute." I looked over and there really was a cute guy. It only made me that much more excited to get inside for the activity.

That night, after a quick religious message, we played games and mingled. Sister and I had a chance to mozy on over to the cute guy and introduce ourselves. That was about it, but man, I felt some sparkage going on.

About a month later, at a similar activity (FHE again) we were carving pumpkins. My sister and I sat down next to the cute guy we had met the month before and started working on our pumpkins. The cute guy was working on one himself, so we started conversing, just the 3 of us. It was a lot of fun. I learned he was a very talented artist. His pumpkin ROCKED!

After said activity the group all decided to head over to BYU's famous Creamery for some well-deserved ice-cream.

My sister and I both chose an ice cream sundae- yummy! (doesn't that sound good?) Standing behind us in line, waiting to pay was the cute guy. Sister and I looked back and smiled. Then the bomb dropped...

Cute guy smiled, looked at us, looked at our ice-cream and said, "You guys are eating that? Do you know how many calories are in that?"

Translation into woman language- "You are fat and really shouldn't be eating that." Since I am a woman, I heard the female translation and dropped my face. Did this jerk really insinuate I was fat???? I know I still have a few extra pounds from the mission, but seriously, what jerk says that to a girl????

Cute, now big jerk guy kept on munching on his ice-cream, smiling, so proud of himself. (I am supposed to tell you at this point that he was smiling because he was eating the same thing as we were and he thought he was being funny.)

After paying for out goods Sister and I had to leave because we worked together at a graveyard custodial job (very fashionable college job). As we were walking to our car Cute, Big Jerk Guy said goodbye and then said, "Don't forget to hit the treadmills."

That was IT! This was WAR! She and I divided and conquerred. He ran back in. I took one door, Sister took the other and we found him "hiding" at the counter eating away. We both took a slug at his arm and left to take our rotund bodies to work.

Early the next morning, after work, we returned to our apartment to a very sweet message from Cute, Big Jerk Guy apologizing to us. He really felt comfortable with us after the pumpkin carving so he thought he could joke with us but realized it probably came off totally rude. Isn't that sweet?

Sister and I devised a brilliant plan. We made brownies and took them over to his house the next afternoon, inviting him to "get fat" with us. That is when we found out that he was out of town visiting his girlfriend for the rest of the week.

WHAT? A girlfriend? Crap.

To Be Continued...

Oh, and the theme song for today- Eve 6's Inside Out, which was popular back when we first met. (suggested by FiM)

ps the FiM is going to have to be revealed later in the story because it fits. Keep coming up with ideas. I'm still curious as to what you think.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I guess I have never told y'all about how Hubby and I met. I think I am going to give him a different name on my blog, just so you know. From here on out he will forever be known as FiM. What does it mean? I'm gonna let y'all guess and then I will tell you tomorrow. Curious to know what you really think.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all of your suggestions. I know that with my family curse and all, me actually admitting to being at a loss for blog topics is begging the universe to kick my in the backside, push me to the ground, step on my, pull my hair then spit in my face, but I can't take it back now. Thanks Nutty Hampster Chick for pointing that out. Next time you need to tell me this BEFORE I post it.

It's kind of like praying for more patience, right? You ask for patience and you are given more trials in which you need patience. My question- how is that exactly supposed to work?

Back to my topic. Beginning tomorrow you are all going to be gifted with the story of me and FiM. It isn't even Christmas yet. Not on the calendars, but here is it always Christmas. I am always a giver. (keep nodding your heads, just humor me, k?) I am going to have to tell it in a series because there is actually a lot to it. Ya, the short of it is we met, fell in love and got married. But how did we meet? I'll tell you. How did we fall in love? I'm here with the answer. When did we fall in love? Yup, there's another question I will bestow the answer upon you. And finally, I will give you all the gory, lovely, hideous, romantic details of our en-gag-ment and wedding. Finally, I am going to end with what I like to call, "If I could have done it different, here's what it would be..."

Did I wet your appetites for more? Sure hope so. Hope to see you all back here tomorrow and for the next week.

And, so as not to disappoint you, YES, I will be putting in more embarrassing moments from my life. I wasn't kidding when I said I am a walking embarrassment ready to happen.

For today's theme song I randomly went to my iTunes and hit shuffle. Then I hit forward until I hit a song I was inspired to play for you. Ya, that's cheating, I know. Maybe I should have let it be the first song, but I wasn't really in the mood for the first 4 songs that came up. That's when Willie Nelson's "Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" came on and I knew it was the right choice. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I need some inspiration

Today I am going to start off my post by telling you what the theme song is. You really shouldn't be too surprised since hopefully you read the title. You're the Inspiration by Chicago. Wait for it... it takes you back doesn't it? Dates me, eh? I have great memories of this song...

David Roper

Grandma's birthday party

Uncle Dean's car

Me, looking at David, swooning.

Me, thinking this song was all about us.

Me- I was like 12 or something. Ya, I was deep back then.

So, the reason for the song- I am needing some inspiration. That's where you come in. I need some help on this one. I am out of topics.

I am sure that my crazy offspring can help me with this one, but for once I really would like to have a boring, nothing exciting week. Nothing to blog about that happens. Yesterday filled my quota of excitement.

Okay, so what do you want to know about me? What do you want me to write about? Do you have random questions? I'll help you out. If I can't, I'll just lie. Maybe I'll convince you I know what I am doing here.

Are you game? Leave a comment. I need lots of ideas...

Thanks (in advance). I know you won't let me down.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Why Would I Make This Up?

You all remember MMIT, right? My Mischief Maker In Training. The youngest. The light in my life. My miracle baby.

Since the older offspring are in school now I get to focus on my baby. Or rather, she gets to run wild while I do other things, not having to entertain my older children.

I have been wanting to work on potty training this lovely little girl for a while. Diapers are expensive! So, what better time than now? We started last week, and as of today she has only managed to pee in the toilet once. She loves the panties! Really she does, but not enough to not use them like she would a diaper. Sad thing for mom is that panties don't contain like diapers do.

I can hear you all saying right now- She isn't ready. Ya, I know. Maybe I'm not ready to give it my all, but I really don't want to buy diapers anymore. I keep thinking that the light will turn on and she will magically know how it's done.

Now, today--->

I was visiting the blogosphere when I hear this-

UMM- "Mom, Malia just peed her panties."

Mom- "Where is she?"

UMM- "On the counter getting fruit snacks."

I raced into the kitchen. Yup, there she was in all her peed on glory. Reaching for a fruit snack. Pee trickling down her leg. And what was that I smelled? CRAP! Literally.

For most of you this would only be a matter of bleaching your counter or tearing it out to put a new one in. My problem is that I am not the best housekeeper. I have a stack of mail on my counter. It is also the catch-all for my kids. Don't know where it goes? Let's put it on the counter.

Not only did MMIT soil my counter, but she also soiled my mail. Who needs to look through bills anyway?

Bill Collector- "Ma'am (I hate being called Ma'am, just so you know), why is your payment late?"

Me- "My daughter peed on my bills."

Hey, that's better than my dog ate it. And it's more believable, right?

So, now I have to go through my pile, throw away the gross stuff, clean off the counter, and rerun the dishwasher. Oh, did I fail to mention the CLEAN dishes were in full shot of the flowing pee? Ya, my dishwasher was open, airing off so I could have one of my offspring empty it later. Now it is going to have to be much later since I am rerunning it and the dishes will be wet again.

You all are jealous of my life. (I have to tell myself that or I would probably hide in my closet, rocking myself back and forth, murmuring something incoherent.)

Theme song- Parents just don't understand by the Fresh Prince (aka Will Smith, back in the day)

Thursday, August 20, 2009

What would you do...

For a Klondike Bar?

I'll tell you what I would do...

  • I would do my kids' homework.
  • I would clean my toilet (ya, I have to be bribed to do this one).
  • I would force myself to sit through 4 episodes of Hannah Montana (but that is my limit).
  • I would let my friends take me out on their boat (Ya, I'd suffer for some ice cream).
  • I would not shower (but only for 1 day- after that, it isn't really worth it).
  • Sleep in late (isn't that good of me?).
Things I would NOT do, even for a Klondike Bar...
  • Lay off of Facebook (even for a day).
  • Stop blogging.
  • Give up chocolate.
  • Get up early.
Sorry, no NPSA meeting today. I am basking in the glory of school and can't think of anything really to rag on myself for today. I mean, really, I played FB games and slept in. I am working hard on my list from yesterday, so I feel really good about myself.

To top it off I am making my famous cookies as I type. Multi-tasking! I am so talented!

If you want some cookies you better get over here. (Or if you leave a nice comment to me I will send the recipe to you.) Seriously, they are famous!

Theme Song- Just a fun one that I totally love- Going with the song from yesterday- COOL RIDER from Grease 2.

My To Do List for the School Year

These days I'm all about the list. My sister and I were talking and she suggested that I make lists each day so I can get things done. No matter how small a detail (like get dressed) add it to the list and I will be able to see all that I have accomplished. So, now that the school year is FINALLY here I thought I'd make a list of what I plan to accomplish. Keep in mind this is just a rough draft. I will be adding more as the school year progresses and I figure out how I really want to be spending my time.

  1. Play TONS of Facebook games.
  2. Sleep in.
  3. Blog more frequently.
  4. Create more embarrassing moments to blog about (this one shouldn't be too hard for me).
  5. Take my kids to school in my pajamas.
  6. Wax more often.
  7. Perfect my Sudoku skills.
  8. Figure out why my toilet makes a gurgling sound.
  9. Download more songs on my iPod.
  10. Prove the DaVinci Code is true!
  11. Watch some seriously great chick flicks.
  12. De-crap my house.
  13. Whiten my teeth.
  14. Visualize a skinnier me (cuz that is probably as close to skinny as I'll ever get).
  15. Don't get pregnant.
  16. Make at least one meal a day for my family.
I think that is enough for now. I don't want to make my list to long and set myself up for failure. I am lowering my expectations, that way I won't be disappointed.

Theme Song- Back to School, Again from Grease 2 Soundtrack!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Is it possible????

Can an already insane person have a complete breakdown??? Cuz I am on the edge, and I'm about to tip over into the abyss of insanity (again).

Summer is almost over, the kids are going to be in school again (thank heaven!!!), and it came just in the nick of time. I only have one nerve left and it is starting to fizzle.

Here is a glimpse into my insane world...

Wait Mommy, this doesn't smell like the head...

What the what??? All of this can be yours. Simply neglect to pull the bottom drawer of your oven out and clean under it for 4 years. Pretty simple. (simply disgusting)

Does this look like the face of sanity? I didn't think so.

One of my highest goals in life is to look like we live in a trailer park. Check that one off of my list. Thanks to my half nekked son for running around outside with only a shirt and underwear on.

She was the first to fall asleep at the party. We stuck her diaper in the freezer since she isn't big enough for a bra. Don't worry, it wasn't a messy diaper.

Right back at ya fella.

Theme song- Ding Dong the Witch is Dead from the Wizard of Oz. Hopefully with my kids back in school my witchy side will disappear, to be replaced by a more efficient, patient, loving me. (Don't hold your breath, though.)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

It was only a dream

Imagine the Wayne's World dream sequence blurry screen.

I took my kids to the beach. It was more like a river-type beach. Having a great time. I trusted my kids enough to not make them wear life jackets or floaties. I'm such a great mom, I know.

As I'm watching them I keep my eye on their heads and make sure that I know where they each are.

All of a sudden my baby, MMIT is nowhere to be found. I start screaming and looking around. Other people come to help but we have no luck. She isn't there.

By this time I am crying hysterically, yet I feel numb. My baby is gone. What have I done? I let this happen.

I won't give up, though. I have friends who won't give up, so we search for hours, up and down the river.

I look over to my left and see my friend dragging my Fully-dressed baby out of the water, face down. I scream, I know she is gone, but I hope.

Then, my baby turns her head and smiles at me. She is okay. I run to her, grab her, and continue to cry until I wake up.

Dream sequence over.

Tell me this... would you take your kids the beach anytime soon after this dream? Should it tell me something that while I was going through trauma my baby ended it with smiling at me?

Theme song- Just a dream by Carrie Underwood.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Like mother like daughter

I'm just so proud. Yes, my baby is like her momma. Maybe I should be sad for her.

Anyway, this morning I got woken up (poor English- deal with it) by sticky hands. The kids had waffles while I slept. Malia is like her mom in that she does not like to be sticky or dirty. So, onto my bed she climbed to let me know that she was sticky and I needed to fix it.

Really, there was so much sticky that only a bath would fix the problem. I needed to get up anyway, so I grabbed my essentials and headed into the bathroom with baby to take a shower.

Don't judge me. She's only 2 and I don't think she is going to be anymore traumatized than she already is by being my daughter.

Once we were all clean we hopped out of the shower (actually I creaked out because I don't really do much hopping these days) and wrapped ourselves in towels. I know I am not the only one who does this, but before I get all wrapped up I wrap my hair in a twisty towel. Ya, you know, I look like I have a turban on my head. You all do it, admit it.

So, baby saw me with the towel on my head and wanted to get in on that action. Had to snap a photo for posterity. NO judging me on the fact that I look HORRIBLE, no make-up, puffy eyes from lack of sleep and I am half nekked.

And look, she tried to do it herself.

Keep trying.

Theme song? What is bathtime without the Rubber Ducky Song by Ernie from Sesame Street?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

NPSA Saturday Edition

I really don't have to preface this too much. Just let me tell you, this is neglectful parenting at its finest.

The band- The Offspring

The song- Pretty Fly

The words- "Give it to me baby, uh huh, uh huh!"

The ages, 8 and 4. Ya, I'm teaching them well.

Theme song is on the video, so no need for another one.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My heart and dreams are shattered.

Remember back in the day when I admitted to my fixation with Scots? Love the kilt, love the plaid, love the accent, everything.

Well, the other day I was talking to a friend of mine. She and I (although very different ages- she is 70) have really gotten to know each other and I love her. She comes off all tough, but really she is a teddy bear.

Anyhow, she and I were talking and I found out something new about her. She served an LDS mission in Scotland. Dream come true for me. For her? Not so much. I was aghast. How in the world did she make it home without a handsome Scot? Didn't she find the men manly and sexy?

Apparently not.

I guess the "Braveheart" and "Outlander" view of Scotsmen isn't completely accurate. Who would have thought?

She served mostly in the outlying countrysides and told me that most of the men were smell and she could count on one hand the number of guys she met that didn't have missing front teeth. Of those that did still have their front teeth all of them had wrotten teeth. Hmmm, now, that? Not so sexy. Maybe I'll just stick with my Lover! He is part Scot, isn't smelly (at least not all of the time) and he has all of his teeth. Ya, I think he is a sexy beast and I think if I could just get him into a kilt (traditional style) he would be darn-near perfect. But, I would only want him in the kilt for me. I don't need any of you's running after him.

Theme- Got whatever it is by Zac Brown Band. Just replace all of the feminine pronouns with masculine pronouns, k?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

First off

Thanks to everyone for your positive words, prayers, vibes that you sent my way. Life isn't a shiny new penny for me right now, (trust me, I would have spent it already if it was) but I think we do have a few polished rocks now. Rocks don't count for much in the currency exchange, but if they did I would be RICH! Now, if only there was a way to make house dust have value I really would be in the filthy rich group. Anyway, thanks y'all! Luv ya!

I wanted to share a funny. If you don't find it funny, or if you don't admit to doing the same thing you have issues.

I have ALWAYS been a music lover. There are certain types I don't like as much, but if I have a choice between silence and music I will choose music everytime. (Some people tell me that is because I am not comfortable with my own thoughts- obviously they know me quite well!) Anyhow, when I was younger I specifically remember some songs that I would sing... the wrong words to.

Yes, I said it.

I know you have done it too.

Admit it!

You wanna know one that I still remember because my sister totally made fun of me for it. I am leaving open today for the whole world to make fun of me. Not only because I sang the wrong words, but also because of the song it was.

Back in the day when really the only music I listened to was country (I am more open with my music taste now) I loved Billy Ray. Yes, that is Billy Ray Cyrus. You know, the father of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. Ya, I was one of the Achy-Breaky-Hearted.

I'm waiting for the judging and laughter to stop.

Still waiting.

Really people, when are you going to stop?

Okay, I guess I am just going to have to go on with you still rolling on the floor.

There is a part in the song when he sings:

You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff who's fist can tell my lips
He never really liked me anyway

Well, I thought it said:

"Or you can tell your dog about my leg."

About what, you ask? No idea. I'm not the one who wrote the song. Do song lyrics ever make sense?

So, there you go. Keep laughing. Are you gonna admit to any lyrical mistakes you have made?

I am getting the last laugh here because you have already had to listen to today's theme song- heehee! Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009





Monday, August 10, 2009

In which I want to pull my hair out

Do you know how men are always complaining that women are too cryptic? We don't just say what we mean?

You know how they also say, "Don't come to me with your problems unless you want me to give you solutions"???

If your man doesn't say this then you are pretty lucky. Mine does. He likes to fix my issues. Which is so manly of him. I feel like we live in caveman times with him dragging me by my hair (so sexy).

So, this past week (and weekend especially) I realized- these are all excuses for men to just not listen to us. If we come to them with problems and we need a solution- they will just say something like "I am just here to listen. You will appreciate it more if you fix this yourself." Now that is not so sexy. I am feeling like I am the one dragging Mr. Caveman round and I am trying to fix things.

Anyhow, I really want my caveman to be Mr. Fix-It Caveman right now. And I don't mean "Let it all go to helk" and that is fixing it. I want him to buck up. Be my Lover, my Man and stop sleeping off the depression. I know that is a totally jolly way to deal with depression and all that is going on here, but it really isn't helping. It really isn't helping me.

Now, on to my good thoughts of Hubby. He is sexy. He writes me love note on my whiteboard that I see when I get home from work. He has made sure lately that he kisses me good-bye every morning, even when I am still sleeping (I wake up for a second to say good-bye). I love that. He took the kids to the church camp-out Friday while I was working, then he brought them home and had a hot-dog roast in our fireplace (how cute is that). He totally helped out at our yard sale on Saturday.

He really does ROCK my world. I just need him to fix this problem, and not just listen. H.E.L.P!

Theme song- Help! by the Beatles. Yes, my theme songs are back on.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Just some thinking going on

Hubby and I were having some pillow talk last night before we fell asleep. Our pillow talk is really exciting. I'd keep it a secret because it is pillow talk. However, I thought you all might be interested in a few of the epiphanies I had last night.

  • The Constitution, written by some VERY brilliant, inspired men, that laid the foundation of our country, was 4 pages.
  • The new universal healthcare bill is 1,000 pages.
  • Does anyone find a problem with this besides me?
  • I am pretty sure that aside from hiding some unconstitutional crap in there (besides universal healthcare not being a God-given, constitutional right) these blow-hards are way too wordy and will cost us trillions unnecessarily!
  • Did our government forget the 10th amendment? "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." I'm pretty sure they did!
  • I think they even forgot the 9th amendment (or maybe they are purposely ignoring it) "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."
  • I think the judicial branch forgot to read their Constitution this morning when they were eating their frosted FLAKES! In case they don't have their own copy of it I am more than willing to send one to them or they can check out this website.
Now how is that for romantic pillow talk? Jealous, aren't you?

Still no theme song. Why? you ask. Because I am speechless as the stupidity of those numbskulls in Washington who are SUPPOSED to represent the people. You may not like what I have to say, but I said it on my blog and I can say it if I want. If you disagree with anything maybe you need to have a daily, healthy dose of the Constitution with your breakfast too. If you are interested, Hubby just started his new blog (I inspired him... not really). Check it out if you are a citizen of the United States of America and love that we are a republic, not a democracy. Know the difference? Read it.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

negativity is eating me alive

I no longer find joy in Happily Ever After-type movies. Seriously, lets take a walk through some of these movies and I will point out the falseness and the brain-washing- and only then might you start to feel my pain (or maybe I will add to your pain. If that is the case, so sorry!)

Cinderella- THERE are no talking mice that are friendly. Mice + my house = me screaming.

Enchanted- Vermin do not help you clean up your house.

Mary Poppins- Contrary to American's favorite care-taker, a spoon full of sugar doesn't make the medicine go down, it just makes my pants tighter. I can't snap my finger to clean up my house. Shall I go on?

Lion King- Just saying Hakuna Matata will not make all your worries go away. If that worked I would be saying it CONSTANTLY.

Toy Story- Sometimes your friends aren't your friends forever.

Wizard of Oz- the Wizard can't give your courage, a heart or a brain. AND clicking the heals of your ruby-red shoes will not get you home. You have to pay $$$ to get a plane ticket or drive there. And when you do return home it isn't always as you remembered it.

Do you have any movies that you like to bust wide open?

No theme song today.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sleeping Arrangements

Last night, as I was reading in bed Hubby slipped in beside me. Now, some of you may know this already, but I have a serious aversion to being touched when I sleep. Because of this, when Hubby and I first got married and bought our bed we decided on a King. That way he has his side and I have my side. I am going to have to draw another diagram for you tonight so you can fully catch the frustration that I was feeling last night.

Okay, sorry for the BAD drawing. I never claimed to be DaVinci. I am more like Picasso when it comes to my artist "talent." Just so you know. That is me on the left, holding my body pillow, reading a book. I am not exaggerating either. I was close enough to the edge of my side to have one foot hanging over the edge. Do you love that Hubby is smiling? Me? Not so much. I was trying to read for crying out loud. I am in bed. I have already told him that if I am "in the mood" I will touch him.

Man, do I sound witchy! I don't like it when he eats in bed (crunches) and I don't like him to touch me when I am getting ready to sleep.

The funny thing is that I don't really mind spooning with him occasionally. That is fine. Just, when I am ready to sleep both fighters need to return to their corners.

Hubby isn't a bad guy. He doesn't even know how frustrated I got at this. That is why I am venting it here. He hardly ever reads this. And if he does read this one- Honey, I'm just joking. For the rest of you- totally true story!

Theme song- "Please don't touch me" from Young Frankenstein. This song is NOT G- rated. Sorry!

Monday, August 3, 2009


It's Monday- SHOCKER! I know, now pick yourself up off the floor. Just a regular day, right?

Well, not for me. I am taking my first day off in 17 straight days of work. Before that I only had 1 day off and I worked 14 straight days. The only good thing? Hopefully my paycheck. The bad thing is that I haven't been with my family that much. Everynight I get to hear Hubby and the offspring cry/whine/or be sad that I am leaving. Granted, I really love my job. I love that I get paid decent wages (especially in this economy). I love that I get to listen to audiobooks all night long. I love that I get some "me" time. But, it is really hard to hear my family complain when I leave. I can tell myself all I want that I am doing it to help our financial situation (which is true, mostly) but I feel sad when I leave them.

When I am home I have Klingon (cling all over me) children. UMM either sits half on me or all the way on my when I am sitting. At meals there is a screaming match to see who is going to sit by me (and then whoever wins scoots the chair over to the point we are touching). When we go to church I have 4 kids competing for my lap and each side- this causes problems since I only have enough room on my lap for one kid and 2 sides of me and I really like to be able to sit next to Hubby. When I blog I usually have Oldest Child sitting on her bed behind me (yes, I now share my office with her bedroom) and she reads as I type. Good times!

This all came to my mind yesterday as our family sat in church and my kids were not being reverent. Big surprise! They really are young but I expect them to be the best kids E.V.E.R. and sit quietly and listen. Ya, right. After about the ninth fight over my lap space I sent all of the kids to the end of the pew and drew the following diagram for Hubby. From now on this is how we are going to sit at church (at least until they are old enough and big enough where I can flat-out REFUSE to let them sit on me).
Of course, MMIT doesn't have a designated seat. Seeing as she is only 2 she is a roamer. Until she is a little older she won't have a particular seating assignment. Unfortunately, this leaves me and Hubby with a kid in between so we will probably only be holding hand behind Kylie on the back of the pew, but that is better than going insane every Sunday. Oh, and if you are wondering D= Daddy and M= Mommy. The rest are the offspring.

Theme song- Sitting, waiting, wishing by Jack Johnson