Friday, June 5, 2009


Here we are group. Another Friday, and you know what that mean...


The meeting will now come to order. Hello, my name is Julie and I am a neglectful parent.

Something has been bothering me lately about my parenting (I know, big surprise, huh?). I realized that I don't sit down to eat breakfast or lunch with the offspring...E.V.E.R. The only time I ever eat at a table with them is for dinner (on the rare nights I am home to eat dinner with them) or when we go to a restaurant. I just don't do it. When I took D.A.R.E. in elementary school I think I learned the "Just say no" a little too well. I apply it to just about every facet of my life.

You might be wondering WHY? Well, have you met my kids? Would you want to sit at a table with them?

Now, really, ever since I was little I have had a major problem with other people eating around me. I hate the sound of chewing. It is like nails on a chalkboard to me. No matter how hard I try to ignore it the worse I feel. I get to the point of nausea sometimes. No joke. Really, I do.

My brother had a real problem, which I think exacerbated the problem (now that is a big word). He would eat monster bowls of cereal. His main goal was to eat the whole thing in one (maybe 2) bites. He has a big mouth, I do admit, but I think the guy used a shovel to eat. He'd stick so much in his mouth that he couldn't even close his mouth. So, not only did I get to hear the slurping of the food off of the shovel, but then I got to hear the crunch and the heavy breathing through the nose since he couldn't breathe though his mouth with so much food in it.

So, now that I am a mother I have tried to instill in my kids the concern for others' nerves. To no avail, though. It is practically impossible to teach children to keep their mouths shut. It is a constant reminder at the table- "keep your mouth closed" and by the time I finish my plate of food I am running to my room for a little quiet (non-chewing) time.

Hubby isn't any better really. He will bring bowls of food into our room. Umm, our room is not the kitchen. I don't really have a problem with SOME foods in our room. Bring in a quiet bowl of icecream (but make sure there is NO slurping). Bring in a quiet piece of bread. Maybe even a quiet homemade cookie. But for the love of Pete, PLEASE don't bring in chips. Really? Chips? That is considered a good evening-in-the-bed snack? I don't think so. At least have the decency to suck on the chip until it is soggy enough to chew quietly. You may think that is gross, but that is what I usually do. Hey, I practice what I preach (sometimes).

Theme song- Come On Feel The Noise by Quiet Riot. (I have to giggle at today's selection. Talk about oxymoron!)