Adios My Peeps

Well, I am going to be on a vaca for about a week with the chillins. I'll be at my sister's house. Love her dearly, but she lives in the stone-age of internet (dial-up) **gasp** I don't think I will have the patience to sit and post for my beloveds whilest at her house. I know you will miss me. But do not fret. I will be back and hopefully have some great stories to tell.

PS Thanks for all of the positive thinking and prayers. You are all so fabulous!

Theme song- So Long, Farewell from Sound of Music. I know what you are thinking. She just keeps getting better at picking songs. Where does she come up with them all? Well, I'd tell you but then everyone would know my secret and I wouldnt' have a bit of uniqueness to my blog. I love that I have theme music. Maybe it's because I need something to drown out the voices in my head.

The Curse

My family has a curse. No, not like say bad words (although sometimes I do say some fake bad words thanks to Crash!). It's a curse that is worse than Murphy's Law. For those of you who don't know Murphy's Law here it is...

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

It's even worse than Finagle's Law...

"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way."

And it is not to be confused with Kayla's Law...

"Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, in the most comical sense possible" (There is rarely anything comical about what goes wrong with my family.)

My family's curse is...

"If it can go wrong, it will, at the worst time. If it can't go wrong, don't worry it will, at the worst time. If all is going according to plan, just wait, something will go wrong, at the worst possible time. And lastly, don't worry- life really does decide to crap on you when you think everything is great."

That is my family's motto, mantra, theme... I grew up knowing about it, living with the consequences and now I have passed it on to a new generation. The super-bad thing about The Curse is that if you are associated in any way with my family you are often affected by The Curse. Sorry to tell you all this, and now I am sure that I am going to lose ALL of my followers and even the secret followers and friends. This too, will fall into The Curse category. Life stinks, huh!?

So, here is why I tell you about The Curse.

#1 As a repeat, this is a journal of my life for my kids. And, although they will grow up knowing the Curse, repeating it at family reunions and FHE's (religious family time we have sometimes, but really should be weekly) and will be given the family crest, which has it engraved on it, as a wedding gift, to have it written, immortalized in this blog is priceless, don't you think? And very important!

#2 My hubby has the flu. No, not just the "I'm not feeling so good" flu. The "I've got the shakes, feel like I'm going to puke, 102 fever, keep my wife up all night long moaning" flu. Good times, eh? Now, I know that everyone gets sick. This isn't the major problem. The Curse comes in when I tell you that I am supposed to be leaving for Idaho in 2 days for a long, much-needed vacation to see my sister and her family. The hubby isn't coming with me, just me and the kids. He is coming up later and then we are all going to be coming home together. Again, this probably isn't a big deal to most. Here is my issue with it. With The Curse in mind there are a multitude of ways this can play out. a) He could have this for a few more days, delaying my leave until next week. b) He could pass it on to my kids, delaying my leave until next week. c) He could pass it on to me, delaying my leave until next week. d) My kids will get it, but will not exhibit symptoms until we are on the road, making for a seriously horrendous trip. There are others, but I am just depressing myself.

So, here is all I ask. Before you drop me as a friend/associate/acquaintance/stalker please pray for me that The Curse will let this one slide. Please, oh please, let this one slide.

PS I was up all night with the hubby, and when I wasn't up with him I was waking up from some seriously bad dreams. If I didn't know better I would think I was pregnant. I always had awful dreams from the surge of hormones during pregnancy. Woke up feeling UGH! And even though it was totally a dream, I was pretty mad at my hubby, even to the point of crying!

Theme song- Creep by Radiohead. I found a supercool version sung by Sad Kermit but it drops the f-bomb, so I had to redo with the Radiohead "clean" version of the song. Hubby brought it to my attention that by the time the readers got to the end of the post where I mention the theme song and had posted a WARNING for the cursing (hahaha!) it was already apparent- having gotten to the end of the song! OOPS! Sorry for those who heard my sinning via music today. I have mended my ways and turned from the sin. I shall do it no more!

Everything You Needed to Know You'll Learn Here

I learned a very valuable lesson from MMIT (the newly turned 2-year-old). First the pictures. This is a lesson for all.


At first glance she is asleep, right?


Even at second glance she is asleep...right?


But, no. The first lesson we learn here is...

If you don't want to hear it, it is unpleasant, you are getting in trouble, or whatever, just close your eyes. It's like it never happened.


The second lesson we can learn is- get over, REALLY FAST! Life is too short to ignore everything! You gotta have your eyes open some of the time or you will miss the cute things, like this little face!

Hmmmm, now for the theme song- Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood.

And the winner is...

Okay, so I know that you have all been waiting on pins and needles since 8am this morning to find out who the winner is of the Nastola Kitchen Contest and here it is- 4pm and I am finally posting the WINNER!I know you will all be shocked when you hear/read that the winner is the person that ironically had the most entries. Not only did she comment a million times on the posting (okay, so only 3 times, but that is 3 separate entries) but she fully posted pictures AND she itemized her pile-o-crap (which gave her extra entries). Yes, you know who you are because you actually were just at my house about an hour ago asking who won, and I couldn't tell you that you were the winner because I hadn't posted this yet and that really wouldn't be fair. Not that life is fair, in fact my dad often reminds me that life isn't fair, but if I have a chance to make it even somewhat fair, I am going to! So, here we are, the big, FAIR announcement.

The winner is....




MELINDA!!!!!




I have to say that i am totally impressed that she was courageous enough to actually post her pictures. Even though there was no naked barbie in her pile (I know you all wish you were like me), she did have 2 whole containers of crushed up Ritz crackers. Woohoo! Check out her post and let her know what you think!

I guess this is a lucky thing for me since I don't have to mail her prize since she is a local and my friend. Not to say that I wouldn't have been more than willing to mail the plaque, but this just makes life a little easier for me and I am all about making my own life easier!

Oh, and Jami- I see how you are. First you want to have an extra entry and be a follower on my blog and then you take me off so now I am back to only having 13 followers. I see how you are. Givin' the love, then taking it away! I told you that you didn't have to post your pictures, that you could just email them to me, but NO, apparently I offended, and I apologize for whatever offense I gave! Please don't leave me hanging at 13 (even though that is my favorite #).

One last thought. In case you think this contest was rigged I will totally put those worries to rest and tell you IT TOTALLY WAS! No seriously, I jest! I was on the phone with my sis in Idaho and she picked the winner from the list. I told her to pick a number, she did and there you go. The winner was chosen by my sister and ironically was the person who actually played the game ALL THE WAY! Impressive!

Okay, so really this is the last paragraph. I have to tell you that the hubby DID get the love vibe and Friday night I got home from the job to find a sparkling clean kitchen floor. Yes, he and the oldest offspring were on their hands and knees scrubbing and I was gifted a clean floor for the night. Seriously, I am one lucky chica!

Theme song of course- We are the champions by Queen. My alltime favorite WINNING song!

Wishes and Reminders

My baby is 2 today. She is our last one and I can't believe I am in the terribly-wonderful twos with her already. (I only say wonderfully because I am trying very hard to think positive!) Here are a few photos from her last couple of years and then her fab-o outfit for today that I picked up at Wally World at midnight on my way home from the job.

And this is her on the BIG day!

All Smiles for the BIG day!

I love her curls!

On a field trip with her sister's preschool class.

Happy Birthday Beautiful Daughter!!!(not to worry, I won't be singing any weird birthday songs to you like I did for myself. You deserve the best birthday ever, Precious Girl!)

Theme song for today- Apple of Your Daddy's Eye by Peter Cetera. (Just happens to be the song I danced to with my dad at my wedding reception.)

OKAY, Now here is your reminder. I am having a contest. Want to enter? Read this. Remember the contest ends on Monday morning 8am. So hurry! Don't forget. There is a fabulous prize if you are picked, although, I'm not sure this is a contest anyone really wants to win!

It's a contest

****THIS CONTEST IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH DO NOT SCROLL DOWN!****

Yes, you read correctly. I am FINALLY holding my very own contest. For all 12 of you who follow my blog and the millions of others who don't want to actually admit that they read it (I know you are out there) this is a contest for all. I'll start off by telling you what you will win.

And here it is...

Don't you love it??? Well, your sign might be slightly different or something different all together, but this leads me into what our contest is about today.

I am looking for a kitchen that can outdo mine in total GROSSNESS! Check out the following pictures and then I will lay out the rules for said contest.

The before Pile:

The after Pile:

Yes, that is a naked barbie in the pile. What in the world? So here is a little list of what items were found on the floor of my nastola kitchen.

Books (because what better place to put them when you are done reading? Who needs a bookshelf?)

Naked Barbie (as mentioned above)

Pens (perfectly good pens)

Crayons from about 3 different boxes.

cut up paper- A LOT!

t-ball glove

1 velcro spiderman shoe

an uneaten clementine

almost gone roll of masking tape

hair elastic

snow hat

jumprope

t-shirt

fake flower

enough frosted flakes to fill 2 breakfast bowls

wrappers galore

and your basic kitchen dirt

Quite the list don't you think? I am sure if I rummaged through the whole pile I would find some other items, but I am pretty sure this list is enough to make anyone gag... which is my point. I totally wanted to gag. I've known for a few days that my kitchen hit the nastola spectrum but was in total denial and hoping that the hubby would find kindness in his heart to clean it for me. Alas, it was not to be. So, I woke up today thinking a contest would be a fabulous motivator for me to get off my duff and sweep the nast off the floor.

Here are the rules:

1. You CANNOT add anything to your floor. It has to be just as it currently is.
2. Take some "before" pictures.
3. Sweep the floor, all of the crap into one LARGE pile.
4. Take some "after" pictures.
5. Blog about it and comment in my box that you participated.
6. Extra points for those who itemize their pile-o-crap.

I am pretty sure no one will be able to outdo my mess, but if you are remotely close to my level of nastola you still could be a winner.

I'm pretty sure, also, that no one is gross like me so no one is going to enter my contest, so if you are reading the fine print- here is another way to enter...become a follower on my blog, give me some linky-love, or just comment. I heart comments!

Tuesday Musings and extra fun

All of you have Andrea over at BloggingMama to thank. Today's posting was going to be completely negative. I took 3 of the 4 offspring to the dentist and for the first time they have cavities...ALL OF THEM! The son offspring has 4, count them 1,2,3,4! What in the world???? Only 2 on the other offspring. The dentist asked me what has changed in the last year because they have never had cavities before. UMMM, I am not home with the kids at bedtime anymore. I didn't get them hopped up on sugar before bed and then not have them brush their teeth before laying in their own sugar-ridden saliva for 8-10 hours. Hmmmm! That could be it, don't you think.

Oh wait, I said this wasn't going to be all negative. So, I am going to answer BloggingMama's call for a Two for Tuesday.

Question 1: Tell me about something you collect. It can be weird, normal whatever. What do you collect? If you don't collect anything what would you collect if you could?

Answer 1: Does dust count? I am really good at collecting that. Also trash. It is not my job to take out the trash, so it rarely gets done. So my house often looks like we are collectors of the garbage.

No really, I love to collect books. Mostly series books (no, I don't have the Harry Potter series- don't judge me!). Most of what I have are historical fiction series. I also love patriotic themed books and religious books. If I had a room to devote just to books I would have a few plush-type sitting areas with great paintings to fill the room with just the right ambiance. Weird, I know. I already told you not to judge me. Here are a few of my fav's:

and really no collection would be complete without the best of all times...
Question 2: If you could spend an afternoon talking face to face with one (or two) other blogger(s) who would it be and why?

Answer 2: This is a toughy. If I had to choose from my blog stalking list (because the bloggers I know and love I talk to face to face quite often) I would probably have to pick Crash as my first one because she is super-cool and sent me a Twilight t-shirt to wear to the midnight showing of opening night. She was also one of my first blogs to stalk and she hasn't put a restraining order on me yet. She also has super-cool connections like JJ, lemon-friend, and a bathroom sighting of the president and first lady. WOW!

The second would probably have to be Kristina at Pulsipher Predilections. Really peeps, she has a snuggie. Need I say more? If we were to talk face to face and become BFF's (which I totally know we would) she would just offer for me to use her snuggie because she is nice like that. Besides, couldn't we all use a friend that is often mistaken for Beyonce?

There you have it. Sorry to the rest of my Stalking list. You know I would LURVE to meet all of you and for various WONDERFUL reasons, but I was only given a choice of 2 so blame BloggingMama if you don't like it!

Okay, one last (slightly negative thing since it is on my mind) and then I will end. I hate automated phone systems. I mean HATE! No really, it goes beyond that. I think I am at the point of loathing! They are all different and if you don't pay attention for 1 second or have a/multiple child(ren) who scream(s) as just the right time you might just end up pushing the approved button instead of the repeat button because you totally missed what was said. Does that make sense to anyone besides me? I guess I am just used to my voicemail menu (1 is to back up a little and 11 is to start the message from the beginning). I wasn't listening to my voicemail at the time of the above occurance, so when I hit 11 I approved the call instead of having them repeat what was said. I don't know what the helk I approved, but the call ended and I am left sitting at my desk fuming at my kids who have impeccable timing!

Theme song for today... Voices Carry by Til Tuesday. Appropriate for a couple of reasons. #1 my kids don't understand that I can hear them. They think they have to yell. Stop- voices DO carry! Hahaha! AND #2- the band name is Til Tuesday- great for a Tuesday post. Clever, don't you think?

Why do we buy toys?

I am not sure that these pictures are really going to need much of an explanation. Just wondering why, as parents, we spend so much hard-earned $$$ on toys that the kids break within 24 hours. What they really lurve to play with are all non-toy items in the house. Below are such examples...

The Fan...
My bra...
My cutting mat...
The hamper...
Theme song for today is my favorite song from a movie all about toys- "You've Got A Friend In Me" from Toy Story.

It's my birthday, let's have a party!

Okay, I have to start off by thanking the academy for this award...wait, wrong speech. Let me start over...

I'd like to thank all of those who have FB'ed me, called and sent special mental birthday wishes to me. I think that if I HAVE to get older I should try and be happy about it. So, I am going to wish myself a happy birthday too! Enjoy the following video!



ps Obviously no theme song because it is already on the video.

After 10 years...he's still the one!

Yes, I know that is a totally cheesy title for this blog, but it will make sense when I tell you more...just be patient.

I have to give a little background to this story and then I will end with a shout-out/request to all of my family/friends/stalker/bbffs. How's that for an outline?

My parents are true romantics at heart. Since I was young my parents have celebrated Valentine's Month. Yes, they do something special for each other every day of the month. Since my b-day happens to fall during February I always felt a little jipped because my parents were getting presents on my birthday too. (I obviously would not make a good twin sister- Heidi, you are a saint in my eyes to share your special day with your sister.) So, some of the ideas can be as complex as a treasure hunt, lingerie (with all those ties and parts, it does get complex), or decorating a room with all hearts to just a simple card (the cards are done most of the month because how many ideas can we really come up with to be original?). Hallmark has not caught on to this very special idea (in which they could be making BANK) so when they buy cards they cross out "day" and write in "month." This has been going on for YEARS. I love hearing about all of the wonderful things my parents are doing. Even in years past they have enlisted our (their kids) help in whatever project/gift was for the other.

When I got married I was TOTALLY excited to have a lover to share VM with. Ummmm, until he told me he didn't want to do it. RUDE! He wanted to make our own traditions. Okay, so that makes sense, but what is so bad about carrying on some traditions from our respective families??? No, seriously, I'm asking? I think it was more out of being overwhelmed by the thought and having so much to live up to. Plus, I guess I didn't do a great job of explaining the "rules" very well and I think he was worried he had to build me the Taj Mahal or something. Such is NOT the case. It is just a special tradition to show the other person they are totally loved every day!

FINALLY, after almost 10 years of marriage it was HIS idea to "try" VM this year. We are having a GREAT time and I think he has totally gotten into it. I am a little suspicious that maybe he snuck a phonecall to my dad to get some ideas. If so, he is a smart one...way to be thinking and getting ideas from the man that started it all (yes, it was my dad's idea, not my mom's).

One day I came home from work to find hubby on the couch sleeping. I wondered why he wasn't in bed until I went to the room and found this...
He had filled a whole bunch of balloons, written messages on each one (like the stuff on converstation hearts) and even put in little notes from the kids INSIDE the balloons. SO FUN! I LOVED IT!

Although the cards can be a lot of fun to pick out and read and put little, special messages in (great for keepsakes, too) I am trying to be more creative at least a couple of times a week. So, I am working on a CD (y'all know how much I heart music) with all love songs. Such as "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain, which is the song we danced to at our reception (and just happens to be today's theme song). I also want to put on Shania Twain's "Still the One." So, comment people! I need help with this one. What are some of your favorite love songs? I am going to make the CD then put it in his car with a note about each song. What do you think? Too Cheesy? If so, PERFECT!

Kite-Flying date

It seems like most of my embarrassing moments happened while I was at Ricks (specifically my first year). So, here we go again... another exciting chapter from the book of Julie's Embarrassing Life.

I had only been up in Rexburg for a couple of weeks. I didn't have any built-in friends (I was the only one from my hometown that went there). Naturally, I had to make do with what I had, which were the roommates that were randomly assigned to me. The girl that actually shared a room with me was Tiffany. She had a number of friends that she knew from back home, one of which was Matthew Edwin Lowe (she always called him by his full name). If you know him, don't tell him I was repeating this story- not that it is really embarrassing to him other than he was on the date with ME at the time. Well, Tiffy set us up on a date, and she came along with Matthew Edwin Lowe's roommate (sorry, can't remember his name but I do remember that he had an awesome collection of street signs he got from a closed military base- that's another story- sorry for straying). Matthew Edwin Lowe and his roommate came to pick us up for a surprise date...we didn't know what we were going to do until Matthew Edwin Lowe showed up at the door with a LARGE Star Wars kite.

Now, just so you know, this was his prized possession, so I guess I was supposed to be flattered that he would allow me to use it.

We walked across the street to the Greenbelt (which is no longer there, the new religion building took its place- which actually isn't really new anymore).

If any of you know Rexburg you know that it is ALWAYS windy. I don't know the ins and outs of it, but somehow with the valley being surrounded by the mountains there is wind from all directions all of the time (or at least it seems like that). Kite flying conditions are generally perfect, and this day was no exception.

Well, there was one exception- it was a little too windy, so it took a lot of strength to hold on to the kite. The 4 of us took turns holding on, letting it go higher, lowering it, all of the fun things you can do with a kite.

About half an hour into our date a young guy, probably around 11 or 12 came up, spitting every few words, trying to act cool (which was really pretty funny), asked Matthew Edwin Lowe if he could fly the kite for a little bit. (You see where this is going, don't you?) Matthew Edwin Lowe agreed reluctantly and passed off the string to the kids. Very quickly we all realized the kid had no weight to hold the thing down, fighting against the wind and he was picked up a little off the ground, but enough to totally freak him out and the kid let go of the string. The kite went flying!

Remember when I said that this was his prized possession? Well, being the nice date that I am, when Matthew Edwin Lowe yelled for us all to try and get it I was abliged to help. Since it wasn't my turn with the kite I was sitting on the ground, indian-style (or cross-legged if you want me to be PC) so I had to jump up from the ground. Note to self and all others who might have this happen to them (like this is a common occurrance, right?) MAKE SURE YOU ARE FULLY STANDING BEFORE YOU START TO RUN! I did not take such precautions, and my legs were still slightly crossed when I tried to run and went face first into the grass.

YES, it is true. You think I'm making this up, don't you. You think that no one could possibly be this embarrassing, but alas, it is I, the Embarrassing One! I have had this and so many more experiences in which you would think that I would just stay home and become agoraphobic or wear a papersack over my head when I exited my house. I've just had to come to terms with my life. I must have stood in line last up in heaven and got all the leftover embarrassing moments.

Back to the story- my roommate came running over to me and told me that I just missed it... WHAT? Apparently she thought I dove for the kite, dumb me, who loves to make things worse told her the truth, causing her to fall down laughing. Meanwhile, my date is still running after his kite, not worried that I, his date, have face-planted into the ground. When he finally did get the kite and made his way back to the place where the 3 of us were waiting he was let in on the full story (he hadn't been paying attention to anyone/anything but his kite that was on the lam.) He joined in on the laughter and I was yet again the butt of a joke that lasted the full 2 years of my Ricks experience.

I guess I don't have to tell you that Matthew Edwin Lowe only had one more date, in which he told me that he wasn't really interested, but he did kiss me. Talk about sending mixed signals. Maybe he was just trying to get his numbers up. I don't know. Either way, this was another ruined possible relationship due to my crazy life.

Can you top that?

Unfortunately no videos were taken of my face-plant, so her is a great compilation, I hope you enjoy it!



I only hope that one day my kids will read about my life and think to themselves..."Gee, I'm glad I didn't have to go through that!"

Theme song- Let's Go Fly A Kite from Mary Poppins (goodtimes!)

Scale of beauty

Yesterday I was getting ready for church...quickly because I hit the snooze button 3 times and didn't know it. OOPS! So, I hurried to get the clothes for the kids and woke up the hubby to get them ready while I jumped in the shower. I was super-fast. SO fast I could have been a vampire. (heehee)

So, after getting dressed I went into the front room to check on the progress of the kids. My hair was wet and I was make-up-less but I was dressed. My son looked up at me and said, "Mom, you almost look beautiful." WOW! Almost...missed it by that much!

Later, I told my cousin (who had watched my kids for me the night before) and she laughed. She told me that Jake had told her she WAS beautiful. What does a mom have to do to get a real compliment? Anywho- she also told me a story of when my aunt was a teacher. One of her students said to her, "It is better to be ugly than dead."

So, we came up with the following scale of beauty:

Beautiful- if you hit this category my son will tell you. He is such a loving guy!

ALMOST Beautiful- Again, Jake will let you know about this, insinuating that if you would put just a bit more effort into it, you could move up to the beautiful category.

Ugly- This one is when you put no effort whatsoever into how you look. I doubt Jake would tell you since he loves to make people feel good and THIS would not make me feel good!

Dead- Do I really need to explain this one?

There you have it... Where do you rank today? So far, I am in the ugly category- still need to shower and get ready for the day. I've just been putting it off so I could get some laundry done.

Theme song- You are so beautiful by Joe Cocker.

Thought I'd add a little note that will justify why I said I am in the ugly category. Usually my son is quick to tell me how much he loves me and when I tell him I love him "a whole much" he tells me I'm beautiful. No such comments made this morning which goes back to the "I doubt Jake would tell you since he loves to make people feel good and this would not make me feel good!"

I have since showered, so we will see what he says when he gets home.

Jumping the gun...

So, for an early birthday present my hubby got a mixer for me. Super cool mixer of the century. My friend's husband works for Blendtec, the company that does the really awesome Will It Blend commercials. So, that is the type of mixer/blender I chose. WOW! It is awesome.

So I have never owned a mixer before and the reason for doing it now is because I am super motivated. I am now an official pioneer. I am the first in my family to actually make the trek to homemade bread. We now only have homemade bread because- - - - - -

my cousin taught me the most simple recipe for homemade bread that can be used for just about anything from Bread (obviously), to cinnamon rolls, to pizza crust, to a new outfit (wait not that last one). Seriously, it is so easy and my kids have even helped. I haven't ventured to the cinnamon rolls or the stuffed bread but I have made bread and pizza.

Check out this SUPER COOL mixer/blender.

Oooooooo....what is rising under that towel????

This is the bread (just before baking). I forgot to take an "after" picture... that might have been because it was eaten within seconds of being taken out of the oven.

Well, hubby told me that he won't have to scarf it down anymore because he knows that I will continue to make it, so now it lasts a whole day instead of 5 minutes. I will let you know how it goes when I venture to new and exciting food concoctions.

Yeah for me. If you want the recipe comment with your email address and I will send it to you. I'm all about sharing.

Theme song... couldn't think of one ABOUT bread, so I am adding one BY Bread- Everything I Own, my favorite Bread song.

AND NOW FOR A WILL IT BLEND VIDEO...

This explains it all!

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®

By Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, May 23, 2007; Page C10

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.

If you wanna know where I found this article- check out this link: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html

Okay, sorry the cartoon is a little blurry, but it was too appropriate not to add. My friend had this on her blog and I thought, I need to add this to my blog so I can always remember why I NEVER get anything done!

I should just go back to bed

You know you should just go back to bed when you day starts off like mine did.

It was my morning for carpool, so up I got, threw clothes on (minus a bra because I had a monster winter coat on and who could really tell the difference?). I got Kylie dressed, fed and out the door in time to pick up the rest of the kids on my route. Dropped everyone off safe and sound at school and headed back home.

That's when it dawned on me that I still had a couple activity reminders to take around and tape on some doors, so I thought, I'm out, might as well get that done this morning.

Did I tell you this was a bad story? Well, here is where it turns bad... I got out at the 2nd to last house and shut the door to the van, keeping it running (I was only going to be out for a second, right?), and as it was shutting I looked, tried to grab the door before I shut my LOCKED door.

CRAPOLA! Not a good thing. Hubby lost his key to the van over a year ago and I only have 1 now. I have tried to get it duplicated at the local hardware store, but it apparently has a special chip in it so you have to go to the dealership or a locksmith to have a new one made which is going to cost more than my children's education to make. Crapola! Yes, I said it again, because I have been meaning to do it, just stop on by the dealership and have another one made but I haven't done it and now I had to pay for that choice...literally. What in the world?

Luckily I had my cell phone and I called information for the number to a LOCAL locksmith. Ummm, retards connected me to a locksmith in Salt Lake (35 minutes away) and I didn't know it, so I had to pay extra for the dork to come down and I had to wait even longer. 15 minutes was not 15 minutes. It was an hour and 5 minutes. I had to pay $179 for a dork that was supposed to be there in 15 minutes to open my door in under 5 minutes. I am PISSED! First he tried this little tool-
but alas, it did not work as quickly as the foreign dude had hoped, so he moved on to a super cool tool, which I would like to invest in just because I thought it was awesome!

It's called and air wedge- just sounds cool, doesn't it? It looks like a way awesome bloodpressure cuff. Only, it's for your car... didn't know your car needed it's pressure taken, did ya!?!?!

And this is it in action.

This is not a tutorial on how to steal cars. Just thought I'd share my retarded morning with y'all and let you know I learned something new.

Theme song- Bad Day (now that was obvious, wasn't it???) by Daniel Powter.

You asked for it

So, to appease the masses I am going to tell the groping apartment date story. You all might not even think this is funny/embarrassing, but for an innocent Mormon girl, on a date at Ricks, no less, this was not the situation I thought I'd find myself in.

My roommate, Tiffany, was a sports journalist for the college newspaper. This gave her access to all things sports. One of the people she met through her job as a writer was a guy named Rusty. I thought he was the cat's meow (does anyone ever really say that anymore? Well, I did!). He was totally into sports and quite attractive, plus I hadn't had a date in forever so I was a little lonely and he seemed available.

Tiffany went to work setting us up on a date. After a few "chance" meetings we hooked up for a date. Ummm, in his apartment? When he said he wanted to see a movie I naturally assumed it was going to be at a theater. One should not just assume such obvious things, especially if you are going on a date with the likes of Rusty, the Rustmeister! He had different ideas.

The movie he picked was "Say Anything," one of the all-time greats. Which is now forever ruined for me. In fact it has been more than 10 years and I still have not watched it since that night.

He picked me up and we went back to his EMPTY apartment. The date started off on the couch, innocently watching the movie. Not too long into it he went to grab a blanket and layed it on the floor and sat down on it, encouraging me to follow suit. Umm, okay. Here, I blame myself for being naive. I guess I should have known, but honestly, I didn't!

So I plop down on the blanket, back to the couch and he scoots closer. Then he starts moving around like he is uncomfortable. Then he acts like his back is hurting. "Can you give me a back rub?" Okay, something weird is going on here. Finally I started catching a clue. But what do I do? "Umm, sure." So I give him a back rub.

(Side note here- have you ever heard the song, "I'm just a guy" by Brad Paisley? Well, the lyrics are so appropriate, too bad the song wasn't out before I had this date. "When you say a back rub means only a back rub then you swat my hand when I try, well now what can I say at the end of the day, honey, I'm still a guy!" Too appropriate of an intro to the rest of the story- but I'm sure you already knew where this was headed.)

So, I finished rubbing his back and he turned around, offering one to me. No thanks, I'm fine. He started to slide down lower to a laying position and when I didn't follow his lead he sat back up and put his arm around me.

That's when the groping, or rather, attempted groping started. How is a girl supposed to watch a movie and fend off Mr. Wandering Hands at the same time? I had to look at him and flat out tell him no. He tried to kiss my ear, then my neck. I had to tell him no, again! Seriously, I love to kiss, but we hadn't really even talked yet.

I guess my "NO's" didn't sit well with him because he backed off. The movie ended, he took me home. He didn't even get out of the car or anything, and rode off before I was even to my apartment. That was my first and last date with Groping Guy, THANKFULLY! But it was totally embarrassing. Aren't you embarrassed for me? Embarrassed that I was on a date with an icky guy, embarrassed that I didn't see the signs, embarrassed that he later told everyone about the date. Yup, that's right. I was the tease-talk of the campus for a while. Good times.

So, theme song for today- Creep by Radiohead. Too appropriate for my creep of a date!

Is it just me?

I was pondering the other day, whilst at work (as I often do) about my life. I wonder what are things about me that I want my kids to know. What experiences have I had, what have I learned that will help them in life. I keep coming back to this story, so I hope you will bear with me as I tell you about young love.

The place- church.

The time- after the weekly activity (probably around 8pm).

My age- 14

Yes, we were in the church, all hanging out, talking after an activity (and no, I don't remember what we did that night- I only vividly remember what happened after). A new guy- we'll call him Matt (since that is his name) came to the activity. I was totally excited. I had been jonesing on him since he moved in and couldn't wait to have a chance to talk to him.

Well, the opportunity came. We kind of split off from the group, just the 2 of us, Matt and me. Of course we were in the same large room as the rest of the teenagers, but we were off to the side getting to know each other (no seriously, we really were talking, no lip connections were involved). I had the sniffles that night, which I will attribute to a looming cold, but really I can't be sure of that since I also have allergies and it could have also been caused by overactive teenage emotions (ie I cried at the drop of a hat when I was younger). Whatever the cause, I was sniffing like a crazy lady, when all of a sudden...

*



*



*


*


*


*


*

I totally blew a snot bubble. I really wish I was kidding. But alas, I am not. In front of my young crush I embarrassed myself beyond measure. At least I thought I had, until I realized that I could do much worse. That's when it happened. Without any control or thought I said (maybe because I thought it would make it better), "Don't worry, it happens all the time."

Here I am, just having blown a snot bubble at my future husband (no not really- Pretty sure he could never forget the snot bubble story and couldn't say "I do" without thinking about it, so it wasn't meant to be), he is looking at me like, "somebody get me away from this girl," and all I can say is, "Don't worry, it happens all the time."

IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES THAT MAKE IT BETTER?

Why would telling him that I have a chronic booger bubble problem make this any less embarrassing, for either of us? In fact, I'd venture to say that my comment solidified the fact that we never were to date, kiss, or get married. I guess I should be grateful. Could I really have ended up with a squeamish guy for eternity? I think not.

The hubby puts up with all of my oddities and loves the booger bubble story. He even will tell people to ask me about it, just so he can make sure the story lives in infamy. Now that you know- this story will NEVER die.

So now you know- I am a walking embarrassing moment. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time and usually my comments afterward make matters worse. You'd think I'd learn, but I don't. Some day I will tell you about the kite-flying blind date, the groping apartment date, the chair dates to the dance, and having to ask multiple people to my senior prom before finally getting a date. I will let you choose. Which is the next embarrassing story you want to hear? Leave comments in the comment box and I will do my best to go with the masses.

Thanks for enjoying my embarrassments, now for the music-
Nothing Compares To U by Sinead O'Connor (the number 1 song of 1990- when I was 14).