Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My life as a fairytale

Did you ever see those Faerietale Theater movies? They were always weird shows, so I came up with my own. Though, I didn't have a camera at the time of the making of this tale, so I am just going to have to tell it to you and you will have to picture me (clothed, please) acting it out.

Once upon a time (because all fairytales start that way, but in this case I mean yesterday) there was a beautiful peasant mother, who loved her 4 peasant children so much that when some nearby royal friends invited this peasant mom and her peasant children to a day floating along a river of foggy gold the peasant mom said "Helk Ya!"

Off we went in our peasant carriage (with a lovely crack in the windshield- this carriage has a windshield- don't question me- it's my story). We picked up a few royal friends to ride along with us and make the trip more fun. The royal queen that joined us was a blast along with the royal princess and "almost-princess-in-law." We listened to royal music and chatted about royal and peasant things.

They ride was long and the peasant mom was a little worried about being done on the foggy golden river in time to make it to her work. The royal mothers all assured her that we would be done on the foggy golden river in PLENTY of time. So away her cares went as she lazily (and sometimes not-so-lazily) floated along.

When the crowds all gathered at the ending point the peasant mom jumped in a car with the royal moms to get the cars from the starting point.

"What time is it?" asked the peasant mom.

"Oh, probably about 3," replied a few of the royal moms. Plenty of time to make it home, shower and get to work.

Oh, but that was not to me. For alas, when we saw the sundial in the carriage it said 4:35PM!

"What the WHAT!" screamed the peasant mom. "I have 1 hour to make a 90 minute drive (praying for no backup of carriages) and get myself ready for work. Peasant children, jump in the carriage, we are off!"

Sidenote- did you know that carriages can go 90 miles an hour? Well, they can, and mine did.

The peasant children we exhausted after the lazy work of floating, so they quickly fell asleep, which really was for the best so they wouldn't be screaming at the peasant mom to SLOW DOWN. The peasant mom worked those horses to the bone, slowing down only for tight turns and slow carriages.

Halfway home the peasant mom had a most brilliant idea. She pulled out her tin can with a string that was connected to the peasant father and told him to get in his carriage, with a change of clothes for the peasant mom, her face-paint, hair brush and deodorant, and meet her at the horses feeding trough just off the highway close to home. The peasant father, being the loving and concerned soul that he is obeyed his wife and even made a lovely dinner for the peasant mom to eat.

When the peasant mom and the peasant children finally made it to the feeding trough (gas station for those who didn't get the connection yet) the Mom and Dad quickly kissed and then exchanged carriages.

Driving the carriage up to work in her bathing suit the peasant mom was sad she didn't get a chance to kiss on the peasant dad a little more, but was grateful for all the peasant dad did. The carriage ride was filled with lots of loving thoughts for the rest of the peasant family.

Once the carriage made it to its destination in a land far, far away from the peasant mom's cottage she looked at the sundial to see that there was 5 minutes to spare.

Now this is where the story gets good...

Because- the peasant mom was still in her bathing suit, crazy hair and not smelling so fresh.

What to do?

Park in the VERY BACK of the lot, pray that there are no peeping toms or electronic peeping toms to see, and change clothes in the carriage. This was an interesting feat since the carriage is a TINY one. Continually praying that no one would see, the peasant mom threw off her clothes, changed, and RAN into work, just in time to punch the sundial and ...

PHEW! Not late.

I know... you are all amazed. What a great story. Especially since I am the queen of the Curse. For once, the curse didn't hit me. I had a great day with the kids, got a little burned, but didn't get fired. Oh, I mean, the peasant mom is still employed, able to bring home bountious means to the family to keep them all fed.


Theme song- The River by Garth Brooks