Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Oh the pain

Yes, the pain in my head that is caused by trying to think too much. I have been out of school way too long.

Now that I have that off of my chest, I'd like to tell you all a little story.

Growing up I thought my parents were perfect. No, not perfect in that we had the best relationship, but I thought they never did anything wrong, never had a hard time making good choices. Other than some fights I witnesses, they never even said bad words. So, I thought I had a lot to live up to when I became a mom.

Fast forward to age 33. Yup, that's me. I'm 33 and have had my eyes opened to the real world. The real world where parents make mistakes. I now know that my parents did the best they could, but didn't do it the BEST EVER! There are things that I have tried to improve on as a mom, but seeing as I post about at least one serious parenting weakness every Friday on my NPSA meeting I am not doing a terrific job.

I have my faults, more than even I am willing to admit on a blog that is read by people I haven't ever met (and by those I have). Yes, I will post about my nasty house. I will post about my obsession with tattoos (no, I don't have one!). Yes, I will post about ignoring my kids by putting on my iPod. Yes, I will even post about reading so much that I don't read to my own kids. That's right. I don't read to them. Great admission, don't you think?

There are limits to my admissions, though, believe it or not. I am going to delve a little deep here for a few moments, bare with me. And then we will head for high ground.

I have some seriously deep-seeded issues, some that stem from my childhood and are now affecting my adult life. I was in bed last night until who-knows-when-I-actually-fell-asleep pondering things. Thinking about things that probably are not helpful or healthy. I woke up today wondering why? Why was I allowed to be a parent? Why did Hubby choose me? How am I ever going to get over these issues? Do I really even want to fight the fight anymore?

Okay, now, come up for air. We are all done. Did you survive?

Now that you are all completely and utterly scared, just try walking a day in my brain (or something like that). I hope you come back to visit my blog sometime. I may have lost a lot of you to the brighter side of life- which was not happening in this post.

Oh, and one note for my kids if they ever read this in the future- NOPE! I'm sure not perfect, but I'm sure you already knew that!

Theme song- Talking in your sleep by The Romantics.