They walk among us... and they can vote

So, while my family was here over the holidays I was privied to a fabulously funny story, that I MUST share with the world. Forwarning- remove all eye makeup, you might laugh yourself to tears, I did. Hopefully I will be able to convey the hilarity of the story to all of my friends who visit this blog. We all could use a good laugh, right?

Okay, one of my sisters that live in California (we'll call her Jana- cause that's her name) has a neighbor. This neighbor was getting married to her longtime live-in boyfriend. Jana and most of the other neighbors and members of the church there were helping to plan the affair, hoping to make it a great occasion.

A little background is needed at this point in the story. This particular couple has some children. The family does not live the healthiest lifestyle, eating out every day, nothing ever homemade (not even spaghetti- I kid you not). They parents engage in less than healthy alcohol use and possibly some drug use (although I have not witnessed this myself so that is hearsay).

Back to my story- The wedding was taking place at our local church. In case you don't know, Mormons don't drink alcohol/coffee/tea. So, when the couple assumed they would be able to have an open bar IN the church, Jana had to quickly put the kibosh on that idea. Wow, that had to have been awkward. I mean, even though they don't live the guidelines of the church, they are baptized members, you would think that they would know that was not going to be happening. They were using the church for free, I wouldn't be complaining if I were them.

Anyhow, so as a gift for the happy couple, Jana decided to give them some kitchen items that would encourage a healthier lifestyle. Item such as a plastic lettuce knife, vegetable peeler, colander, and all the fixings for a salad, cutely arranged in a darling basket. This is a fab gift, don't you think?

Well, the wedding and reception went well, without too many issues, although there was some complaining from guests who were wondering where the booze was.

Now, fast forward to about a week later. The new groom was talking with another neighbor (not Jana) about the wedding. He said, and I am totally not kidding about this...

"Jana got us the weirdest present. It is a bowl with holes in it. What do you do with that? And a plastic knife that you use for vegetables or something. You can't eat cereal in it." All of this was said with a totally serious tone, and a look on his face like- "why would we want/need that."

For the love of all that is holy- how does he walk? Who doesn't know what a colander is? Even if you don't know the name of it, who calls it a bowl with holes? Jana's neighbor, that's who.

So, we are going to have a little lesson today, students. Since Kitchen 101 is obviously too advanced we are going to have to start with Kitchen 0. Here goes:

This is a COLANDER- say it with me- COLANDER. Also known as a strainer, you use it to rinse food or drain liquid (like when you cook noodles and need to drain the water off).
This is a vegetable peeler. Vegetables such as cucumbers, carrots and potatoes are often peeled before consumption.
If you really want to get fancy there are other styles of peelers, like these...



This is a lettuce knife.
It is useful for cutting? You guessed it, lettuce. Why would you cut lettuce, you ask? Oh, possibly to make a salad. What is a salad? Well, I am glad you asked.

This is a salad.
It is generally made with lettuce mixed with other vegetables like carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, etc. If you want to get fancy you can add hard-boiled eggs, ham chunks, shredded cheese, cottage cheese, peas, beans, whatever hits your fancy. There are also potato salads, pasta salads, jello salads and such, but this is Kitchen 0 so we won't get into that until Kitchen 101. All in time, students, all in time. We need to take baby steps.

Nowadays we are a people on the move. Life gets crazy and if you don't have time or the knowhow to actually make your own salad you can visit the produce section of your local grocery store and check out the bagged salad section. They look something like this-


Now, next week we will have a quiz on these items. Hopefully you will be able to identify these basic kitchen items. Once you can do this, I won't be quite as concerned that you are able to vote. I didn't say not concerned at all, just not quite as concerned.

Theme song- Stupid Girl by Garbage. So appropriate. Don't tell my kids I said Stupid, I will be told, "Mom, you said a bad word," by my language monitors, Jacob and Britin.

Just here waiting for the knock...

This is the scene- driving home from church on Sunday.

The kids were in their seats and all but Malia are old enough and capable of putting their restraints/seat belts on. Why in the world would I do that for them? So, off we go, on the drive to the house (not too far away, come on, we live in Utah. Should we really be driving to church?). Anyhow, Kylie had taken Britin's seat belt and snapped it on her. Kylie is in the back seat, Britin is in the middle seat. I don't know how best to describe this so I am going to do a poor drawing of the van.

The pink area is where Britin was sitting, the purple is Kylie's seat. Kylie grabbed the seatbelt that Britin was supposed to use and then yelled at Britin to get her seat belt on. Britin was screaming back that she couldn't and yelling for Kylie to give it back. It was total mayhem. I asked a few times, calmly, if they would stop annoying each other. I had had enough! I turned around, totally serious and yelled at them both, "I will beat you!" Apparently I was so totally serious when yelling this that Dalen couldn't help but break out into a hearty laugh. I looked at his dumbfounded, and to be honest, quite upset that he was laughing at me and didn't help get the kids quieted down.

So, here I sit (along with Sherry) waiting for a knock on my door from DCFS to take my kids away so I won't abuse them, or offer parenting classes that will improve my patience/argument resolution skills.

honestly, I didn't lay a finger on them, I was restrained in my own seat belt.

Theme song for today- tubthumping by Chumbawamba.

Sad and True

This week my kids have had to put up with a numb (yes, I said numb, not dumb) mom. I found out early Tuesday morning that a very close friend that I have know for more than 20 years decided to end his life, leaving a wife and 3 beautiful, young children behind. This is a sad entry, I know. But since I decided at the beginning of this blourney that this would mostly be a journal-type thing for my family I thought I should write about why I have been walking around in a daze for the last 5 days.

This is a friend that I played the trumpet with, went to seminary (for those non-Mormon readers it is a class early in the morning to study our religion), we had classes all through school (elementary up to high school), we graduated together, we were in band competitions together, church dances, you name it. We were a part of mostly the same group all growing up and I really miss him.

I am not ever going to be the same, but I hope that through this I can be a better person, recognize my weaknesses and seek help when I need it. I didn't know this was even a consideration for him, neither did his family, including his wife.

The memorial service was beautiful, lots of memories were shared. I will truly miss my friend. Tonight's theme song- Hold On by Sarah McLachlan. Beautiful lyrics and really appropriate for this time. I will be back to my normal crazy self soon, peeps. Until then, enjoy the music.

TMI

Crash "challenged" us to share TMI with the blogworld, so here I am joining in the craze. This is a funny story to share with y'all and hopefully my kids will overlook the age I will actually admit to.

So, you get to know me way too much with this story, but it is a cute story of young love. I probably won't be able to tell it quite as great as some of my author friends who have the gift of words, but I am going to do my best.

The age- 10

The guy- David Roper

The setting- his jacuzzi

The day- 4th of July

I knew it was true love when I found out his birthday was the day after mine. Our moms were probably in labor at the same time. We might have even been born in the same hospital (but I don't think we were). We are both Aquariuses. My Dad's name is David and so is my brother's name. He would totally fit into the family when we married.

So, with so much in common I thought we were destined to be together. On the 4th of July our families got together to have a pool party and bbq. Good food, great swimming. And, I must have been thinking it was the perfect setting for a first kiss.

So, while we were relaxing in the jacuzzi I went under water. I really don't know the details. I was in such a fog of bliss that I have forgotten exactly how it happened, but once I went under David came under and kissed me. Right on the mouth. (no extra stuff was involved- tongues or hands or any of that stuff). Just a sweet kiss.

That was it. Nothing else. In fact, we didn't see each other except for special occasions when our families got together. And since I was not of dating age it was a little hard at 10 years old to come up with excuses to go to his house (especially since I had to have my parents drive me across town to get to his house). In fact, after a few years we didn't see each other really. I saw him again after we had both turned 16 (when our parents allowed dating) and we talked on the phone, even anticipating that our first official dates would be with each other. But, alas, it was not to be. His family moved to Arizona and I have not heard from him since. I hope he has had a great life and thinks of our first kiss with fondness.

Sorry, no pictures...

Animals, Awards, and a New Baby

When life gets crazy, just lock up the little animals. I found it very helpful. After trying to put this shelving thingamabobber together I was only disappointed that it wasn't big enough to actually cage the wild beasts.

(BTW- what is that face Kylie is making? I promise there was no torture involved, they wanted to take this picture.)
Kylie got the student of the day award at her school again! She was just so proud of this accomplishment. I was proud of her too! She received this award for "a wonderful attitude, great reading, and a sweet personality." If you will remember Kylie is not my only brilliant child. My son is quite the smart cookie, too.

Finally, I was actually able to visit my friend and her newest baby!!!! YEAH! I am done having kids (not necessarily by choice) and I have to get my fix somehow. I mean, really, that new baby smell, the spit up smell, the not-too-gross poopie diapers, and all that comes with little ones (minus the sleepless nights). Nothing is better than all that. So, I jaunted on over to Shanna's house for visit. What a precious new little one!


Check out more baby pictures at Shanna's blog. My pics don't do the baby justice, or the mom for that matter. I was able to get a 3 generation pic for Shanna (sorry if none of them turned out perfect. I'm not the photog you are, but I did my best).



Sorry that this was a jumble of info, but I am really trying to catch up quickly, so I can resume the regularly schedule blogram.

Theme song- It's my life by Bon Jovi...

Surprise...and for no reason!

Last week the hubby stayed home from work on Friday because I was still battling a nasty cold, sleep deprivation, and feeling overwhelmed with life. So, being the superb hubby that he is he stayed home, took care of the chillins, cleaned the house, and.........



planned a special alone night, just the 2 of us. It wasn't our anniversary, my birthday is not for another month. It isn't the anniversary of our first kiss, first date, day we got engaged, or the day we met. It was for no other reason than to just be together. Isn't that special?

He called Grandma to babysit, planned where we were going, the works. I did get to help in the room selection, though. He told me we were going to a Bed and Breakfast and I was totally excited. For about 5 years we lived in Provo and always saw the Hines Mansion. I'd wanted to go there ever since I heard about it, but budget wouldn't allow it, nor would or time restraints. Screw the budget and time, he decided we needed to be alone. I am not one to let my kids have overnighters- E.V.E.R. so I have not left my kids overnight for much more than being in the hospital to have the next baby. This was a treat!

I will spare you the gory (fantabulous, uber romantic) details, but suffice it to say, we had a most wonderful time. Thank you to my fab MIL for taking care of the kids so I didn't have to worry about them. Hubby and I loved every minute of our overnight getaway. Check out the mansion if you are planning on a getaway. It was very cozy, reasonably priced for a BNB and the food was phenomenal!

After we got home hubby told me he wants to make sure we do that once a year. It only took us 10 years to figure that one out!!!!

Theme song- Time of My Life (from Dirty Dancing- fab song!)

Just an idea

When someone offers to watch your kids for you so you can have some quiet time/time to get something done/a nap or whatever, DON'T and I do have to repeat DON'T put tap shoes on your kids and let them loose at your friend's house. Just because I am letting you have quiet time does not mean I want LOUD/CRAZY/ANNOYING/OBNOXIOUS time. Seriously! Tap shoes are for specific DANCE classes, not for playing at a friend's house. Trust me- your friends will truly appreciate your considerateness!

It crashed Hard!!!! Bruises and blood everywhere!

It was terrible... and I as front and center for the crash. One I never want to see again. I mean, it was worse than a basic car crash when you just can't look away. There was blood, guts and body parts sprawled all over... my desk. Yup, that's right. My life blood, my work, my hobbies, everything, lost...dead...and now, buried.

I had a forwarning that something was going very, very wrong with my computer. I quickly started burning all important information (like pictures for future blogging). It was like surgery. I had to be as meticulous as possible, making sure that I got all essential items saved. Since surgery is delicate and always seems to take hours longer than expected I have had my total focus on getting things worked out. Also, since I had a freakin' retarded computer seizure I didn't have total use of it so I had to wait until today to blog. Yeah! I am back online, back on track, and enjoying (somewhat) my computer again.

We are now in the rebuilding phase of the meltdown. I have to reload all of my necessary programs- fun. I know you are all jealous. You wish you were me! Then, once that is complete I have download the files back on to my computer. At least I didn't lose everything like I did about this time last year. I did learn something- even though I am an old dog, I learned a new trick.



So, here I sit, sipping my second mug of hot cocoa, listening to my 2 youngest go crazy in the house while I get back to my normal routine of vegging on the computer, checking my peeps, and getting a few laughs in. I have so much to blog about... so stay tuned for more adventures from my family.

A deep thought for today, brought to you by my son- Snake "If it rained turkeys we would all eat a lot." (I kid you not, he came up with that one on his own).

Theme song for the day- Crash and Burn by Savage Garden.

What in the world....

I just noticed that for some spastic, odd, crazy, totally insane reason I have lost my Blog lists on my side bar. It was there this morning and now it is gone. My wallpaper is gone too. At least I didn't have to deal with what happened to Mary (I'd link you to her blog, but I don't it anymore). How am I expected to stalk my peeps if I don't have the list on my sidebar? If you are out there, and for some crazy reason check out my blog too, PLEASE oh please comment so I can have a link back to you. I need my blog fix!

The Cutest Family EVER!

If you want to hear the music I chose to go along with this slide show you have to push to little speaker at the top of the frame. If I had it start automatically it would interfere with future postings with theme music (which I didn't add any for today since the slide show has one). Oh, and if you want to listen to the selected theme song for the slide you need to turn off the music on my side bar. I know there are some of you out there that dislike my theme music automatically turning on, in which case I let you decide- deal or don't have your speakers turned on! Brilliant idea, I know!

I've corrupted her in oh-so-many ways!

I'm obsessed with NCIS. If you have never seen the show I highly recommend it. My parents own the dvds and let me borrow them. The theme song is great and Malia loves to shake it!

What was that about Global Warming?

Has anyone stepped outside? Most people who know me know that I am quite opinionated about politics. So, I am going to spout a little for a minute about "global warming." In what world do these people live in? I am experiencing single-digit temperatures right now. BBBBBRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! I am going to have to leave early for work to make sure that I get there on time tonight. It's only been snowing for about an hour and we have no end in sight.

Theme song- Baby It's Cold Outside from the Elf soundtrack.

Home for the Holidays...sorta

We are having a great time together, just chillin' and also being crazy busy! Even though I have slept in almost every day I am honestly only making up for staying awake until all hours of the night. I have been getting my "baby fill" with my newest niece...

I have been loving the cousins. My kids are having a great time with their cousins, playing, watching movies, and having Christmas together.

This is Christmas Eve...New jammies!

Christmas Morning, waiting to see if Santa came... HE DID!

I have had a lot of fun with my sister, Jen and her oldest daughter (my oldest niece). It really has been great getting to know my nieces better- all of them!


And, while they have been here, we have been able to celebrate Britin's birthday. She turned the big 4!!!! Wooohooo! Pink cake and all.

When Gramma and Papa and Uncle David finally made it we celebrated again by going to Chuck E Cheeses. TONS o' fun!




(Funny that I didn't even get a picture of Bits at her party, but she was having fun going all over the place!)

One of the greatest things about these visits is that my kids get to know my side of the family- Malia has already warmed up to her cousins and Papa. It might take until Saturday for her to warm up to Gramma, which will be sad since she is heading home on Saturday.

Theme song... We Are Family by Sister Sledge.

You Know You're A Redneck If...

So, my family has been here for over a week now and I have had to split my computer time with them. Needless to say I drew the short straw and haven't had much time to do anything. That, and Comcast decided to give me coal for Christmas (ie the internet didn't work for more than 24 hours). OUCH! I didn't think I was THAT bad. Apparently I was wrong and/or forgot some of my misdeeds this past year.

Well, I have to share a funny because during this extended visit I have realized that we (my family) will never socially mingle with the Trumps, the Rockefellers, or the Hiltons. We feel more at home with "our kind." Yes, you know who they are... I am sure you all have heard Jeff Foxworthy- You might be a redneck if... Well, we didn't meet our spouses at any family reunions. We don't have a constant yard sale going on in front of our houses and I didn't have to move an engine in order to take a shower this morning. I did, however, walk outside to get the cold water out of my "freezer."

So, I realized the definition of a redneck is someone who uses what they have... What good is living in the snow if you don't take advantage of the cold and keep extra stuff outside. (I just thought you all should know- this is in my FRONT yard. Yeah, we belong in a trailer park, don't we? If you are offended by that comment- deal!)