Kite-Flying date

It seems like most of my embarrassing moments happened while I was at Ricks (specifically my first year). So, here we go again... another exciting chapter from the book of Julie's Embarrassing Life.

I had only been up in Rexburg for a couple of weeks. I didn't have any built-in friends (I was the only one from my hometown that went there). Naturally, I had to make do with what I had, which were the roommates that were randomly assigned to me. The girl that actually shared a room with me was Tiffany. She had a number of friends that she knew from back home, one of which was Matthew Edwin Lowe (she always called him by his full name). If you know him, don't tell him I was repeating this story- not that it is really embarrassing to him other than he was on the date with ME at the time. Well, Tiffy set us up on a date, and she came along with Matthew Edwin Lowe's roommate (sorry, can't remember his name but I do remember that he had an awesome collection of street signs he got from a closed military base- that's another story- sorry for straying). Matthew Edwin Lowe and his roommate came to pick us up for a surprise date...we didn't know what we were going to do until Matthew Edwin Lowe showed up at the door with a LARGE Star Wars kite.

Now, just so you know, this was his prized possession, so I guess I was supposed to be flattered that he would allow me to use it.

We walked across the street to the Greenbelt (which is no longer there, the new religion building took its place- which actually isn't really new anymore).

If any of you know Rexburg you know that it is ALWAYS windy. I don't know the ins and outs of it, but somehow with the valley being surrounded by the mountains there is wind from all directions all of the time (or at least it seems like that). Kite flying conditions are generally perfect, and this day was no exception.

Well, there was one exception- it was a little too windy, so it took a lot of strength to hold on to the kite. The 4 of us took turns holding on, letting it go higher, lowering it, all of the fun things you can do with a kite.

About half an hour into our date a young guy, probably around 11 or 12 came up, spitting every few words, trying to act cool (which was really pretty funny), asked Matthew Edwin Lowe if he could fly the kite for a little bit. (You see where this is going, don't you?) Matthew Edwin Lowe agreed reluctantly and passed off the string to the kids. Very quickly we all realized the kid had no weight to hold the thing down, fighting against the wind and he was picked up a little off the ground, but enough to totally freak him out and the kid let go of the string. The kite went flying!

Remember when I said that this was his prized possession? Well, being the nice date that I am, when Matthew Edwin Lowe yelled for us all to try and get it I was abliged to help. Since it wasn't my turn with the kite I was sitting on the ground, indian-style (or cross-legged if you want me to be PC) so I had to jump up from the ground. Note to self and all others who might have this happen to them (like this is a common occurrance, right?) MAKE SURE YOU ARE FULLY STANDING BEFORE YOU START TO RUN! I did not take such precautions, and my legs were still slightly crossed when I tried to run and went face first into the grass.

YES, it is true. You think I'm making this up, don't you. You think that no one could possibly be this embarrassing, but alas, it is I, the Embarrassing One! I have had this and so many more experiences in which you would think that I would just stay home and become agoraphobic or wear a papersack over my head when I exited my house. I've just had to come to terms with my life. I must have stood in line last up in heaven and got all the leftover embarrassing moments.

Back to the story- my roommate came running over to me and told me that I just missed it... WHAT? Apparently she thought I dove for the kite, dumb me, who loves to make things worse told her the truth, causing her to fall down laughing. Meanwhile, my date is still running after his kite, not worried that I, his date, have face-planted into the ground. When he finally did get the kite and made his way back to the place where the 3 of us were waiting he was let in on the full story (he hadn't been paying attention to anyone/anything but his kite that was on the lam.) He joined in on the laughter and I was yet again the butt of a joke that lasted the full 2 years of my Ricks experience.

I guess I don't have to tell you that Matthew Edwin Lowe only had one more date, in which he told me that he wasn't really interested, but he did kiss me. Talk about sending mixed signals. Maybe he was just trying to get his numbers up. I don't know. Either way, this was another ruined possible relationship due to my crazy life.

Can you top that?

Unfortunately no videos were taken of my face-plant, so her is a great compilation, I hope you enjoy it!



I only hope that one day my kids will read about my life and think to themselves..."Gee, I'm glad I didn't have to go through that!"

Theme song- Let's Go Fly A Kite from Mary Poppins (goodtimes!)

Scale of beauty

Yesterday I was getting ready for church...quickly because I hit the snooze button 3 times and didn't know it. OOPS! So, I hurried to get the clothes for the kids and woke up the hubby to get them ready while I jumped in the shower. I was super-fast. SO fast I could have been a vampire. (heehee)

So, after getting dressed I went into the front room to check on the progress of the kids. My hair was wet and I was make-up-less but I was dressed. My son looked up at me and said, "Mom, you almost look beautiful." WOW! Almost...missed it by that much!

Later, I told my cousin (who had watched my kids for me the night before) and she laughed. She told me that Jake had told her she WAS beautiful. What does a mom have to do to get a real compliment? Anywho- she also told me a story of when my aunt was a teacher. One of her students said to her, "It is better to be ugly than dead."

So, we came up with the following scale of beauty:

Beautiful- if you hit this category my son will tell you. He is such a loving guy!

ALMOST Beautiful- Again, Jake will let you know about this, insinuating that if you would put just a bit more effort into it, you could move up to the beautiful category.

Ugly- This one is when you put no effort whatsoever into how you look. I doubt Jake would tell you since he loves to make people feel good and THIS would not make me feel good!

Dead- Do I really need to explain this one?

There you have it... Where do you rank today? So far, I am in the ugly category- still need to shower and get ready for the day. I've just been putting it off so I could get some laundry done.

Theme song- You are so beautiful by Joe Cocker.

Thought I'd add a little note that will justify why I said I am in the ugly category. Usually my son is quick to tell me how much he loves me and when I tell him I love him "a whole much" he tells me I'm beautiful. No such comments made this morning which goes back to the "I doubt Jake would tell you since he loves to make people feel good and this would not make me feel good!"

I have since showered, so we will see what he says when he gets home.

Jumping the gun...

So, for an early birthday present my hubby got a mixer for me. Super cool mixer of the century. My friend's husband works for Blendtec, the company that does the really awesome Will It Blend commercials. So, that is the type of mixer/blender I chose. WOW! It is awesome.

So I have never owned a mixer before and the reason for doing it now is because I am super motivated. I am now an official pioneer. I am the first in my family to actually make the trek to homemade bread. We now only have homemade bread because- - - - - -

my cousin taught me the most simple recipe for homemade bread that can be used for just about anything from Bread (obviously), to cinnamon rolls, to pizza crust, to a new outfit (wait not that last one). Seriously, it is so easy and my kids have even helped. I haven't ventured to the cinnamon rolls or the stuffed bread but I have made bread and pizza.

Check out this SUPER COOL mixer/blender.

Oooooooo....what is rising under that towel????

This is the bread (just before baking). I forgot to take an "after" picture... that might have been because it was eaten within seconds of being taken out of the oven.

Well, hubby told me that he won't have to scarf it down anymore because he knows that I will continue to make it, so now it lasts a whole day instead of 5 minutes. I will let you know how it goes when I venture to new and exciting food concoctions.

Yeah for me. If you want the recipe comment with your email address and I will send it to you. I'm all about sharing.

Theme song... couldn't think of one ABOUT bread, so I am adding one BY Bread- Everything I Own, my favorite Bread song.

AND NOW FOR A WILL IT BLEND VIDEO...

This explains it all!

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®

By Carolyn Hax

Wednesday, May 23, 2007; Page C10

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.

If you wanna know where I found this article- check out this link: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html

Okay, sorry the cartoon is a little blurry, but it was too appropriate not to add. My friend had this on her blog and I thought, I need to add this to my blog so I can always remember why I NEVER get anything done!

I should just go back to bed

You know you should just go back to bed when you day starts off like mine did.

It was my morning for carpool, so up I got, threw clothes on (minus a bra because I had a monster winter coat on and who could really tell the difference?). I got Kylie dressed, fed and out the door in time to pick up the rest of the kids on my route. Dropped everyone off safe and sound at school and headed back home.

That's when it dawned on me that I still had a couple activity reminders to take around and tape on some doors, so I thought, I'm out, might as well get that done this morning.

Did I tell you this was a bad story? Well, here is where it turns bad... I got out at the 2nd to last house and shut the door to the van, keeping it running (I was only going to be out for a second, right?), and as it was shutting I looked, tried to grab the door before I shut my LOCKED door.

CRAPOLA! Not a good thing. Hubby lost his key to the van over a year ago and I only have 1 now. I have tried to get it duplicated at the local hardware store, but it apparently has a special chip in it so you have to go to the dealership or a locksmith to have a new one made which is going to cost more than my children's education to make. Crapola! Yes, I said it again, because I have been meaning to do it, just stop on by the dealership and have another one made but I haven't done it and now I had to pay for that choice...literally. What in the world?

Luckily I had my cell phone and I called information for the number to a LOCAL locksmith. Ummm, retards connected me to a locksmith in Salt Lake (35 minutes away) and I didn't know it, so I had to pay extra for the dork to come down and I had to wait even longer. 15 minutes was not 15 minutes. It was an hour and 5 minutes. I had to pay $179 for a dork that was supposed to be there in 15 minutes to open my door in under 5 minutes. I am PISSED! First he tried this little tool-
but alas, it did not work as quickly as the foreign dude had hoped, so he moved on to a super cool tool, which I would like to invest in just because I thought it was awesome!

It's called and air wedge- just sounds cool, doesn't it? It looks like a way awesome bloodpressure cuff. Only, it's for your car... didn't know your car needed it's pressure taken, did ya!?!?!

And this is it in action.

This is not a tutorial on how to steal cars. Just thought I'd share my retarded morning with y'all and let you know I learned something new.

Theme song- Bad Day (now that was obvious, wasn't it???) by Daniel Powter.

You asked for it

So, to appease the masses I am going to tell the groping apartment date story. You all might not even think this is funny/embarrassing, but for an innocent Mormon girl, on a date at Ricks, no less, this was not the situation I thought I'd find myself in.

My roommate, Tiffany, was a sports journalist for the college newspaper. This gave her access to all things sports. One of the people she met through her job as a writer was a guy named Rusty. I thought he was the cat's meow (does anyone ever really say that anymore? Well, I did!). He was totally into sports and quite attractive, plus I hadn't had a date in forever so I was a little lonely and he seemed available.

Tiffany went to work setting us up on a date. After a few "chance" meetings we hooked up for a date. Ummm, in his apartment? When he said he wanted to see a movie I naturally assumed it was going to be at a theater. One should not just assume such obvious things, especially if you are going on a date with the likes of Rusty, the Rustmeister! He had different ideas.

The movie he picked was "Say Anything," one of the all-time greats. Which is now forever ruined for me. In fact it has been more than 10 years and I still have not watched it since that night.

He picked me up and we went back to his EMPTY apartment. The date started off on the couch, innocently watching the movie. Not too long into it he went to grab a blanket and layed it on the floor and sat down on it, encouraging me to follow suit. Umm, okay. Here, I blame myself for being naive. I guess I should have known, but honestly, I didn't!

So I plop down on the blanket, back to the couch and he scoots closer. Then he starts moving around like he is uncomfortable. Then he acts like his back is hurting. "Can you give me a back rub?" Okay, something weird is going on here. Finally I started catching a clue. But what do I do? "Umm, sure." So I give him a back rub.

(Side note here- have you ever heard the song, "I'm just a guy" by Brad Paisley? Well, the lyrics are so appropriate, too bad the song wasn't out before I had this date. "When you say a back rub means only a back rub then you swat my hand when I try, well now what can I say at the end of the day, honey, I'm still a guy!" Too appropriate of an intro to the rest of the story- but I'm sure you already knew where this was headed.)

So, I finished rubbing his back and he turned around, offering one to me. No thanks, I'm fine. He started to slide down lower to a laying position and when I didn't follow his lead he sat back up and put his arm around me.

That's when the groping, or rather, attempted groping started. How is a girl supposed to watch a movie and fend off Mr. Wandering Hands at the same time? I had to look at him and flat out tell him no. He tried to kiss my ear, then my neck. I had to tell him no, again! Seriously, I love to kiss, but we hadn't really even talked yet.

I guess my "NO's" didn't sit well with him because he backed off. The movie ended, he took me home. He didn't even get out of the car or anything, and rode off before I was even to my apartment. That was my first and last date with Groping Guy, THANKFULLY! But it was totally embarrassing. Aren't you embarrassed for me? Embarrassed that I was on a date with an icky guy, embarrassed that I didn't see the signs, embarrassed that he later told everyone about the date. Yup, that's right. I was the tease-talk of the campus for a while. Good times.

So, theme song for today- Creep by Radiohead. Too appropriate for my creep of a date!

Is it just me?

I was pondering the other day, whilst at work (as I often do) about my life. I wonder what are things about me that I want my kids to know. What experiences have I had, what have I learned that will help them in life. I keep coming back to this story, so I hope you will bear with me as I tell you about young love.

The place- church.

The time- after the weekly activity (probably around 8pm).

My age- 14

Yes, we were in the church, all hanging out, talking after an activity (and no, I don't remember what we did that night- I only vividly remember what happened after). A new guy- we'll call him Matt (since that is his name) came to the activity. I was totally excited. I had been jonesing on him since he moved in and couldn't wait to have a chance to talk to him.

Well, the opportunity came. We kind of split off from the group, just the 2 of us, Matt and me. Of course we were in the same large room as the rest of the teenagers, but we were off to the side getting to know each other (no seriously, we really were talking, no lip connections were involved). I had the sniffles that night, which I will attribute to a looming cold, but really I can't be sure of that since I also have allergies and it could have also been caused by overactive teenage emotions (ie I cried at the drop of a hat when I was younger). Whatever the cause, I was sniffing like a crazy lady, when all of a sudden...

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I totally blew a snot bubble. I really wish I was kidding. But alas, I am not. In front of my young crush I embarrassed myself beyond measure. At least I thought I had, until I realized that I could do much worse. That's when it happened. Without any control or thought I said (maybe because I thought it would make it better), "Don't worry, it happens all the time."

Here I am, just having blown a snot bubble at my future husband (no not really- Pretty sure he could never forget the snot bubble story and couldn't say "I do" without thinking about it, so it wasn't meant to be), he is looking at me like, "somebody get me away from this girl," and all I can say is, "Don't worry, it happens all the time."

IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES THAT MAKE IT BETTER?

Why would telling him that I have a chronic booger bubble problem make this any less embarrassing, for either of us? In fact, I'd venture to say that my comment solidified the fact that we never were to date, kiss, or get married. I guess I should be grateful. Could I really have ended up with a squeamish guy for eternity? I think not.

The hubby puts up with all of my oddities and loves the booger bubble story. He even will tell people to ask me about it, just so he can make sure the story lives in infamy. Now that you know- this story will NEVER die.

So now you know- I am a walking embarrassing moment. This kind of stuff happens to me all the time and usually my comments afterward make matters worse. You'd think I'd learn, but I don't. Some day I will tell you about the kite-flying blind date, the groping apartment date, the chair dates to the dance, and having to ask multiple people to my senior prom before finally getting a date. I will let you choose. Which is the next embarrassing story you want to hear? Leave comments in the comment box and I will do my best to go with the masses.

Thanks for enjoying my embarrassments, now for the music-
Nothing Compares To U by Sinead O'Connor (the number 1 song of 1990- when I was 14).